just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
