textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
