At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
