umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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