We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
