Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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