Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
