My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize