im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
