Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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