You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
