I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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