i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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