i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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