i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
we're so committed to being not committed
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
