I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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