it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
