I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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