i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
