Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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