some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
