you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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