i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm too high and old for this...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
