I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
