my phone needs a breathalizer
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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