Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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