Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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