I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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