As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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