Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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