wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
