Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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