Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
