hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
