Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
