I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
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are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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