I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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