I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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