I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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