they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
