i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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