he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
