M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize