hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
