In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
