Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
wat bout pragnant strippers??
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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