I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize