It's Friday. Sex?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
