i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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