So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
