all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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