I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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