She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
