nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
