her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
