i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
