I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize