Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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