Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
