shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
