im having a threesome with these popsicles
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
